Firefox! A Whimsical Review

By Martin J. La Grange (17 October 2003)

Introduction

In the bad old days of 1982, the world looked very bleak indeed. Maggie Thatcher was getting rid of socialist trade unions, actors couldn't get work for love or money, money was scarce, and a litany of woes due to perpetuated armed forces blunders peppered the western world, sapping public confidence in surviving for another day. Combine this with a Moscow bent on a practical weltpolitik that involved fights in third world countries like Angola and inciting middle east conflict generally, and tooling up for possible invasion of a limp-wristed west, it seemed we would all die under a nuclear holocaust at the drop of a hat...

Clint Eastwood was at this time just recovering from a serious bout of alcoholism, and this film marked his successful return to mainstream cinema, which these days is in well paid cameos, thereby buying the groceries. Firefox used all the resources ILM had to bear on SFX in cinema for a limited budget, as well as giving John Dykstra a year-long headache in the studio, and helped a small Learjet burn several times its mass in fuel in the high Arctic.

Eastwood funded the film himself, and with help from buddies at LucasArts, managed to corner some money-starved British and Commonwealth talent (such as the otherwise incomparable Nigel Hawthorne, my fellow South African) to make the film in three locations in Europe. We also are delighted to make the re-acquaintance with several other science fiction film actors, such as one or two patently recognisable Star Wars minor parts and the Mentat Thufir Hawat. The USAF was also kind enough to help Eastwood with the use of a monstrous HH-53 BUFF, as the whole plot made them shine.

From the good, the bad. As a child, Firefox is simply magic. Purest escapism. Steal the wonder jet, get away with it, evade the nasty Russians, and generally go screaming towards the horizon at a rate of knots, and blow up half the world with an inexhaustible supply of missiles. Plus vaguely get the idea that the Russians have been nasty to his sidekick. Then attempt to watch it half a dozen years later.

DRIVEL!

The plot is hackneyed, employing literally every single cliché in the book of 'How to make an America biased spy movie' - with British detail. The favorite aspect of all this is contrast in the wrong areas. A film with a British bias involves a social reject saving the day with information, in a well modeled environment using well researched background and enemy camp obscurity throughout. American biased films involve a dashing no-brainer hero making off with the goods in a very transparent stereotypical environment. Firefox falls on middle ground, and it shows badly. We have a British environmental superlativeness, with Soviet hotels that remind you that the producers and continuity directors have actually been to the socialist utopia of the then. Middle ground is found in Eastwood's sidekick, who has a big chip on his shoulder since the nasty Russian took his wife away for the 1968 riots in Czechoslovakia (wrong country plot-hole !). With a 'North-of-England' strong Birmingham accent - as a Russian Jew (!) - go figure... But then we have Eastwood's protagonist going through all the motions associated with BAD Americanski spymovie intrigue and hiding behind corners with a cocked (useless) .38 mini-Colt. Sigh.

Added to all this is a strong sense of deja-vue with regard to Gant's escape with Firefox. Slapping of the backs by military types and Professor (Boffin) wringing his hands with the officer on the telephone giving his updates reminds us of one film and one film only - 'The Dambusters!' Cute. Plus the naughty/stupid Russians making erroneous plans puts us in mind of the dirty Nazis making ludicrous errors in 'The Longest Day'. Even cuter.

Oh well...

The Firefox aircraft itself is an interesting mix of the plausible and the ridiculous. On first look we see it as blueprints as the titles roll. It looks good, until we see the rear end - how in hell is a small airframe able to hold enough fuel to fly for more than five minutes ? VERY Sf, to say the least. When we are informed at the end-credits that ILM was involved, we have only to groan 'Star Wars' under our breaths. Attempting to make it look Russian involved the classic MiG tail tips, a design signature.

Double fins were de riguer in the early 80's so there they are. The wing is dog-toothed to hell,as befits earlier generation Soviet fighters of all manufacturers, although a smaller design firm called Sukhoi were leading the rest away from this trend...but Dykstra and his team were never privy to classified data.

The nose is just faintly ridiculous, in hindsight - after all, who in their right mind sits within the shock wave? Following the good sense of the MiG 21, one can easily imagine the small canopy covering the pilot during an escape. There is also a charming naivety to the cockpit - this bird being super-fast, why do you need to look backwards? Also, radar had matured that far, it was felt, to make this problem not a worry. We are informed that the Firefox is a stealth aircraft. (Glaring plot hole here folks: therefore how can Firefox's radar 'see' the other one ? No answer given...but don't hold your breath. Another request for willing suspension of disbelief on the part of the essentially juvenile audience).

Designer Information Model created by: Owen Smoot Textures created by: Kurt Beswick Firefox website: www.oculusdesign.com/firefox

In a case of good luck the beasty is painted black - which was precisely the color of the F-117 'Have Blue' at the time! But it isn't really black. As the mighty Wurlitzer shoots across the screen, we see it is more a metallic blue-black, as the light glints off big studio models on a badly matched blue screen, so as to remind adult members of the paying audience of the limited budget...

The canards behind the cockpit are also interesting - sharp eyes watching the movie will see that they are of variable-geometry, being dynamically ridden by the aeroplane's computer. In all probablity a reference to B-1 bomber, which also has a baby pair of canards on the nose to provide excellent ride adjustment for on the deck flight, by supplying its onboard computer with ride-adjustment data. But these canards are simply charming. They are an attempt to combine the then two most popular technologies for high tech fighters into one airframe - VG and canards. Delightful!

Flyers of the Flanker series of flight simulations and other FS downloadable Russian/Soviet aircraft files will, of course , now be speaking enough basic aeronautical Russian to be able to fly the Firefox without trouble. But if you were in the West in the good old days of 1982, knowing Russian was tantamount to sacrilege and treason in popular society - unless you were Russian/British Intelligence. I rest my case.

There remain a couple of niggles and praises for the cinematic bird, before we go on to consider the merits of the simulation. Firstly, the big mock up's behavior is very good on screen. Close ups of the gear moving along the ground, as well as on the ice pack give a solid impression of a real plane. Chalk one up for realism there.

But the bird falls down in the cockpit on screen. It looks horribly like that of the X-Wing, with a few traditional (American!) gauges and artificial horizon thrown in. At least there is printing in Russian in there...and here the plane is hilariously bilingual/international, as the necessary to survive equipment (e.g. the oxygen supply) uses roman characters.

Lastly, I believe we should be careful during our evaluation of the simulated plane with reference to our hopelessly flawed teenage memories, as NO plane tears across the environment at Mach 7+. This is a common trait of cheap cinematic aeroplanes, a venerable tradition first started by Biggles, and perpetuated in bleak Cold War visions by the 'Dr. Strangelove' B-52's, and lately the 'Top Gun' F-14, which although really fast, isn't all that hot against a well flown F-5...

So that the Mach 3+ at 50,000 feet seems all right - but I have doubts with regard to the efficiency of the aircraft with those HUGE strakes sitting in the intakes. Bird-strike (I can see those those Russian birds now: 'Who's for bird strike, hey!? Johnny Human's got these metal buggers flying around - who's with me?! Alfie, Ginger, Tim, Spread Eagle [unpin Spread-Eagle would you?], Feather Stevens, Big Beak O'Rielly ... and Jimmy the Penguin! - splat! they're all soup) must be a severe problem. All those 600 pound chickens hitting the aeroplane at 30 m.p.h...

So it is with much trepidation that I review this figment of a 'Star Wars'-colored reasonably fertile imagination, produced by a pair of singularly dedicated (!) masters of the flightsim hobby.

Installation Woes

View From The Cockpit

Highlights of the cockpit are a couple of really simple gauges and controls that, while not immediately obvious, make for a delightful and fun flying experience, which is what this bird is all about. Shift-4 reveals really good engine quadrant that reveals that it is possible to open a pair of dorsal airbrakes, as seen in the film. Do this, and then take a look outside - they actually work!

The HUD is manipulable too - use Shift-5, and you can change its color through a set of green shades, so as to give you in flight information in different lighting conditions. Excellent!

Another gauge that stands out is the small version of the stock digital variometer from the Wagstaff Extra. This is terribly useful gauge - for a fascinating reason. Landing is difficult without it - more on this later.

You can also switch your engines on and off from two big lit switches. This is cute! Also, there are a set of warning lights that really are quite useful. There is also a custom built status light for your undercarriage, flaps and airbrakes.

There is no virtual cockpit provided, but this is okay - maybe it helps with difficult airfields (I know its lack helped me!)

Eye Candy

The ship has got the HUGEST turbine impeller section housed behind the most ludicrously short shockwave cone/slats. She is a faithful - even down to the worrying step behind the cockpit contours. This doesn't detract from several other features though - panel lines are modeled with a thrilling detail, and the tailpipes have a good detail and crispness to them. Also, there is a real surprise to her dynamic modelling. Remember those cutesy little canards? Well, they work! Flaps move them forward and back - full flap equals full extension. All the surfaces move, and are geared, too.

A last item is external cockpit itself. It is possible to open the canopy. Your pilot is - of course - a recognizable Clint Eastwood! All in all, the Firefox is a real pleasure to ogle.

Flying Behavior

But his isn't an aeroplane, really. Not in the strictest sense. This is a nostalgia piece. And as a nostalgia piece, it has duty to perform outside of function. That duty is fantasy wish-fulfillment of a nostalgic experience. FS X-Wings fulfill the same function. They are not accurate representation of aerodynamic truth. They are one thing only - FUN!

And the Firefox is certainly that. It is simply fun covered! Any wild maneuver you can dream up is possible, that's all. Loops at zero feet, rolls tight enough to curl your hair, and more altitude at the finish of your maneuver than at the start (!) are all part of the Firefox's awesome rocketry. She flies towards the horizon like a scalded cat at an excess of Mach 3, and does not pay attention to physical restrictions involved. She climbs and climbs and climbs. Nothing stops her. You are actually able to reach the simulation's ceiling of 100 000 feet, stay there, and still be climbing if only you could. They say power corrupts. The Firefox is aerodynamic corruption. And somehow - you never seem to run out of fuel...

Special Bits

Ground Looping For Tyros

Yippee!

Ground manuevering is impossible without full brakes - be careful to have your damages set off during any ground maneuvers, as you can bounce insanely. No joke.

Landings are HARD. She is constantly trying to take off again, against your better judgement. The only way to bring your big beast home is to kill power about 1 mile away from your airfield of last resort, and then glide home praying only that starting out at 9000 feet, and also praying that you have not perhaps got 1 notch of throttle on or else you will overshoot oh please no oh please no ... but somehow safe in the knowledge that you can always power yourself out of any trouble, guaranteed.

I've broken more landing gears trying too hard. To my shame - sliding Eastwood first along the ground in shower of sparks. On my second, she lunged at me - forcing me to do a delicate mambo in the joystick and throttle, while avoiding hitting th nose in. The Firefox is not a plane you can got sleep in. No indeedy. Try flying this, and completing all regimes successfully, and I reckon you are a pilot, not one of these sissy aeroplane drivers.

But having mastered the ship - she isn't too bad. But you always tend to overshoot the end of the runway because of those pathetic brakes. Movie realism again. Try that on an iceberg and you are certain to go over the edge - plot or no plot.

Overall Impression

System Reviewed On Duron 1300 MHz 256MB RAM VIA Motherboard Windows XP Gigabyte Maya Radeon 9000 275 MHz 64MB RAM

My thanks to the supremely talented team of Owen Smoot and Kurt Beswick for sharing their talent with all of us lazy slobs and incurable romantics. My thanks also to the folks at FlightSim.Com for hosting this most excellent creation in their massive server hard drives for us all to enjoy. Space Cadets will gripe all the way through. But she's not for Space Cadets, is she?

Happy flying!

Martin J. La Grange
LaGrangeM@Crop.cri.nz

Download the Firefox